Too hot to handle?

Mom, daughter at odds over mature novels

My eighth-grade daughter has always loved to read.  She mostly reads novels, and we’ve always encouraged her love of books.  Lately, though, she is into what I’d call “R+-rated” books, and we all know the descriptions in books can be more vivid than the scenes in any movie.  I have told her the novels are too sexually explicit for her and that I’d rather she not read them.  She tells me she “knows all about” what is described in the books.  I don’t want a fight over this one, but she’s too young! -- Mara from NC    

NuKazoo readers share their experiences:

By the time kids get into their teens you can no longer micromanage their lives.  I don't try to control what my teenagers read and rarely comment on it unless it comes up in conversation.  I've found that treating them like adults  helps them act like and become adults.   

-- Bev, Syracuse

I remember my parents being “shocked” by my choice of books.  Like mother like daughter?!  Anyway, when I saw my daughter showing an interest in “smut” I struck a deal with her.  I told her that I’d pick out a page or two that were particularly steamy and if she could read them to me without being embarrassed, I wouldn’t say another word about it.  If she got embarrassed, though, she’d agree to choose a different “genre.”  She was most definitely embarrassed.  I haven’t seen any hot romance books lately, but I wonder if she may just be hiding them.

-- Steph, Ft. Wayne, IN

I may be going through this issue now.  I saw one trash paperback in my son's backpack.  I removed it without telling him.  I'm assuming he thinks it's lost.  Since we haven't discussed it, I don't know if he suspects me of taking it.  I know my solution is only a band-aid.  I'll check back here for more responses; they may come in handy!

-- D.L., Chicago

I realized that my daughter really did "know all about" what is described in the books, or mostly so.  Reading trashy romance novels is a pretty safe way to explore the complex world of love, sex and relationships, so I decided not to intervene.    My judgment on this is undoubtedly colored by my experience with my older daughter, who resisted my attempts at control of her reading and is now involved in online relationships, to my continuing dismay.  

-- Lynn, Dallas

I decided not to say much, because I think my daughter would take my disapproval as a challenge.  I did, though, make some calls to local bookstores and the library to ask what the most popular books are for girls her age.  I then bought a few for her and suggested she might like them without referencing the "other" books.  We'll see what happens.

-- Denise in Boston

I’m happy at least my daughter is open with me about what she’s reading.  Knowing is much better than not knowing.  Just recently I told her I’ve decided to read some of her books and then we’d discuss them.  I think the thought of this is so revolting to her that I haven’t seen her reading anything at all lately.

-- Fran, Larchmont, NY

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