Friendship over, only she doesn’t know why

Tell her or let her figure things out?

I discussed this with my sisters the other day and thought I’d throw it out to the Nukazoo audience. I have reached middle age, yes, I admit it, and I’ve found that some friendships are simply not worth the effort. My life is extremely busy, as most women’s lives are, and I only have time for a finite number of really close friends. There are two friends in particular whose company I just don’t enjoy anymore (maybe I never really did?) and I feel OK now to “prune” them from my life. So I have. They both want to know why I never call and share less with them than I used to. My one sister thinks I should level with them and let them know how I see that the friendship has “evolved.” The other two sisters think much is said in silence and that if they’re honest with themselves, they’ll figure it out. I tend to want to clear the air and say it all, but I’m not looking for any closed doors, just a gradual fading away. Also, I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Has anyone ever taken the direct route? How did it turn out? – M.B. in Oak Park, IL

NuKazoo readers shared their experiences:

I took the direct route. My friend never spoke with me again.

– Cherie L.

I was on the receiving end of the direct route. The problem was she gave a different reason than the real one. Years later I found out from a mutual friend what the real reason was, and it had nothing to do with me.

– S.R.

In your case, what feels more honest? The problem with silence is that your friends are asking you a direct question. Any answer you give is either the truth or a lie. Sounds like silence isn’t an option. Let’s hope they don’t ask questions unless they want answers.

– Morgan D.

I am nonconfrontational, so I don’t address these things head on. It seems to have worked. Friendships come and go, and everyone knows that.

- Kay H. in IN

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