Calling off the wedding

Is there a right way?

My boyfriend and I are headed for disaster. The wedding we’ve planned to happen three months from now is huge, expensive, and a big mistake. The problem, though, is that no one knows this, not even my boyfriend. He thinks our “spats” are just what couples go through and blames them on my pre-wedding jitters. This wedding feels like a train wreck headed my way. My parents are paying for the whole shebang and I don’t want to disappoint them. Is there a “right” way to stop the clock, to call it all off? Am I risking throwing away the best thing of my life? Will my family and friends hate me? Yikes! -- Alyssa P.

NuKazoo readers shared their experiences:

How you do it isn’t as important as when you do it, and that has to be NOW! I was on the receiving end of the dumping, and of course I was hurt, but if the relationship is bad for one it’s bad for both.

– Megan S.

I called off an engagement once and now I’m married to the same man. How things turn out depend on how well you handle tough situations.

– Madeline C.

My former girlfriend called off our engagement and the only thing I blamed her for in how she did it was that she told her parents before she told me. Seemed childish and unfair. I didn’t respect her for that.

– Paul T.

Several years ago I was engaged and discovered my boyfriend was cheating on me. I was crazy with anger, hatred, feelings of betrayal, and on and on. He was footing the bill for our wedding, and just to get back at him I waited til lots of expenses had been incurred – the reception location, the band, the caterer, etc. – and then called it off. He couldn’t decide which he felt more – guilt for straying or hatred of me for using him and “causing” him to lose tons of money. I regret my actions because they cheapened me. The good news, though, is that I got out of a bad thing.

– Jordyn R.

The way you do break off an engagement is important because you owe it to your boyfriend to be truthful and compassionate. I was once engaged to someone who called it off over the phone while I was at work; all he cared about was getting the ring back. While his method truly showed what kind of scum he was and told me that I dodged a bullet, his thoughtless way of ending our engagement made me lose all respect for him. You want to meet your boyfriend face to face, TODAY, and tell him how you feel.

– Candace K.

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