Recess roughhousing results in broken bones

Talk to offender's parents?

My ten year old is no shrinking violet. Whatever sport he plays, he plays it with gusto. He's the one diving for the ball to keep it inbounds. He's the one giving his all for every play, even in practice. However, all reports are that my son's eagerness had no role in a recent incident that broke his arm and collarbone. A bigger kid, "Joey," plowed into my son at recess for no apparent reason. The boys had been playing football but the ball was not in play when Joey decided to deck my son. I immediately got the call to take my pain-stricken son to the ER. If all goes well the bones will heal completely and quickly. It's been almost two weeks since the incident and we have yet to hear from the family of the boy who injured my son. I'm conflicted as to what to do. There's the decency issue and then there's the cowardice issue. I honestly don't know if Joey ever told his parents, and I'm equally doubtful the school did. Joey has essentially "gotten away with" this serious injury to my son. At the same time, If I were Joey's parents I'd want to know. But I don't want to make this about me. Anyone had a similar experience? -- Dawn B., Chesterfield, MO

NuKazoo readers shared their experiences:

I'm a parent of three children, two in college and one in high school. I've found that parents fall into two camps -- those that behave as you would and those that don't. The divide is great and people don't cross it. If Joey's parents know about the incident they've rationalized not doing the decent thing by making the kid apologize. Shame on them. If they don't know about it then they have a bigger problem with Joey because he's hiding something big. Either way you stand to gain nothing by confronting them. They are the ones with the problem. They are not behaving as you would and you can't make them. They already made their choice. Leave it alone and be thankful your son will be OK.

-- Marcie from Carmel, IN

Isn't your recess area supervised? Didn't someone in charge see the incident? At my children's schools all recess activity has to be monitored. Contact the adult on duty and have that person inform the school as well as Joey's parents. Then at least you're certain they know what their son did and you'll see what if anything they do about it. As it stands now you're directing your anger at parents that may be in the dark. Just make sure you deal with this adult-to-adult. The wrong thing to do is talk to Joey directly.

-- Jo Ellen, Laguna Hills, CA

You're never going to be able to look those parents in the eye again if you don't clear the air. Even if they take offense at your "blaming" their son, at least then it's out in the open. I say call them and be prepared for an uncomfortable conversation. It'll be better than harboring the grudge and letting time pass. My own experience is that even if someone blames me for some behavior that I defend, later I think about the criticism and try to change my behavior. If you talk with the parents you can bet Joey will get an earful from his parents.

--Regina from Jacksonville

The school's the one that "got away with it." It's the school's responsibility to protect your child. You must meet with the principal and understand what safeguards are in place at recess time. My experience with my own children's school is that the squeaky wheel/family gets the oil. Have the principal call in Joey's parents to meet with you and him/her.

-- Kate C, Chicago area

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