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Mom pays cell bill but teens lock phones

I trust my children.  I want to believe they would tell me if anything or anyone in their lives raised a red flag.  However, they are teens who feel immortal and grown-up, which blinds them to many dangers.  Because of my normal parental concern for their welfare, I feel it is not OK for me to be locked out of reading text messages that come in on their phones.  What if they're involved in something over their heads?  What if they're struggling with something I can help them with?  Two key points:  1) they are minors living under my roof and 2) I pay the cell phone bill!  Would I accept being shut out of activities that go on in their bedrooms?  Would I accept them borrowing the car and not knowing where they're going?  Of course not!  I don't want to read all of their text messages.  But, if they're locking me out I'd be naive to think it's not for a reason.  Part of being a parent of teens is being plugged in.  I can't be plugged in with the "lock" key on their cell phones. It isn't right and it isn't fair to parents.  How do others deal with this?  Why is it okay for cell providers to allow this? -- F.S. in IL

NuKazoo readers shared their experiences:

I see this as a business opportunity.  Landlords have keys to all apartments in their buildings.  Operations supervisors often have system override codes.  Parents can restrict TV and computer viewing of young children.  Motorola, listen up!  Here's a new product idea.  If it'd be marketed well, it's a winner.

-- Cyndy, Oswego, IL

If you don't listen to your kids' phone conversations, why spy on their text messages?  Don't you pay the landline bill too?  The cell medium is by its nature private.  Don't pretend it isn't.

-- Jill in Chicago

Forget the privacy stuff.  I am the father of 4 kids, two teenagers and two younger ones.  I want to know what's influencing my kids.  Text messages are one tool of many we parents have to find out what's going on with our kids.  Why not use it to everyone's best advantage?  If credit card issuers offer parents a view of their teens' purchases on those low limit cards held by the teenagers, then cell phone companies should offer an "unlock" capability to parents.  It's not about the fact that I pay the bill.  It's that my children are under my supervision as long as they live in my house.

-- Dean from Brookfield, WI

Technically, it's your phone.  If you want to see the messages, you should be able to see them!

-- Kristy in Fort Lauderdale

Why do you think parents offer to be the group driver?  They want to hear what the kids are talking about, that's why.  Any involved parent wants to see their kids' text messages so they can be aware of issues before they turn into problems.  I go through my 15 year old's text messages.  I haven't told her and don't plan to.  Is it sneaky?  Yes, but I can live with that.

-- Ellen, Basking Ridge, NJ

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