Tacky beyond belief?

Grieving friend distributes biz card at wake

"Ned," our good friend of 17 years, recently died a sudden and tragic death. He was 46 and left a loving wife and two young children. I knew Ned through work, and his wake was exceptionally well-attended -- family, friends and colleagues in abundance. One attendee, "Vince," was a long-time colleague of Ned's and mine who recently started his own dream business, a local boutique wine store. At the wake, after participating in the obligatory sympathetic exchanges, Vince started handing out his business card, encouraging all to stop by his new shop. He spent more time talking about the business venture than reminiscing about our dearly departed Ned. What gives with this guy? When he handed me the card I turned around and walked away. What's the proper response? How can I face this guy? Is it just me or is this way beyond reasonable? Anyone else experienced something similar? -- L.A. in Chicago

NuKazoo readers shared their experiences:

Wow. A similar thing happened to me at a friend's wake, but it was the funeral director that was putting on the hard sell for future business. Why don't people realize that it's a turn-off to come on aggressively, particularly at a time of sorrow and grief? The guy's behavior had the complete opposite effect than the one he intended. At least on me.

-- K.E. in St. Charles, IL

At my cousin's funeral a few years ago, which was really sad because she was only 38, I had the misfortune to be hit on by a friend of another cousin. What was the guy thinking? It was actually during the post-ceremony lunch, but, geez, what bad timing! He should have been more subtle and made his move later. Days later. I wanted nothing to do with him because it felt to me like he abused the occasion.

-- Nadine B., DE

Wakes and funerals are for the living. The biz-card guy wasn't offending the dead friend. Consider for a second that the dead friend may have appreciated the biz-card guy's chutzpah. Just because you are offended doesn't mean everyone is. I know this: at EVERY wake I've ever been to, someone has said something funny. I've laughed. And I've felt guilty every time. Guilt is a kind of shackle. Your biz card guy is without shackle. Perhaps you should admire him and take a lesson from him.

-- Jeff from Valparaiso, IN

It'd serve him right if you never set foot in his wine store. It's my experience that people who are clueless aren't worth trying to clue in. You can't change him. React by shunning his store.

-- Janice in Wayne, PA

People show their colors in the oddest of ways. The experience was in fact a gift to you. Now you know more about him, perhaps unfortunately, than you knew before. And you can now move on. Sadly, there is no character test required before opening up a wine store. Don't wrap up misplaced anger toward him with genuine grief over the premature death of a dear friend. Waste no more time with Vince.

-- Roni, Nashua, NH

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