Cell usage and civility

Can manners be enforced?

I ride a commuter train to work each day. Today a woman was speaking (in a foreign language) on her cell phone so loudly that everyone around her was turning to look at her, obviously annoyed. Finally, the passenger in front of her turned around and politely informed her that she was speaking very loudly. The offending passenger lowered her voice for about a minute, but returned to the high decibels thereafter. After some time, the passenger in front asked her again to tone it down. No luck. After another few minutes, the passenger in front announced loudly to everyone in the car, "Maybe I should start reading my book out loud!" Finally, [the cell user] hung up. About 2 minutes later, her phone rang and she was laughing and talking loudly once again! The conductor came by soon afterward and two of the passengers asked him to speak with the offending passenger. He did, but she kept talking until finally exiting two stops from the end of the line. There are signs on the train asking people to use their cell phones while respecting those around them.  What's our recourse when people ignore those signs?  How do you [quiet a loud cell phone talker] without starting a fistfight? -- Bernie from Brookfield

NuKazoo readers shared their experiences:

Last year there was a broadly covered news article about a Chinese businessman dubbed the Bus Uncle who made a cause celeb out of fellow commuter's loud cell usage. The offended party, the Bus Uncle, was highly dramatic and profane in his disparagement of the younger, louder bus rider. The story got international attention after someone posted a video of the exchange on YouTube. The net of the story was, in my opinion, it's tough to come out ahead if you confront the rude user. Why? By the time you're pushed to confrontation, you're so angry that you'll lose your cool and your control of the situation. You'll become the spectacle, not the loud cell user. What I do in this situation is bear it as best I can, but use obvious body language to express my disdain. For example, I'll step away from the loud party, I'll clear my throat, I'll talk really loudly to the person I'm talking with, etc. To expect someone will change is to regard them as oblivious, not rude. In my experience more people are rude than oblivious.

-- Cynthia from Roseville, MN

Bring an ipod when you commute. I do.

-- J. M., Granger, IN

Noise pollution should not be tolerated. You wouldn't put up with someone puffing a cigarette right in your face, so don't put up with someone's uninvited loud voice in your space. Tell the obnoxious person to quiet down, just as you would in a theatre. Be brief. One or two words can get the message across. Maybe add a "please" just to appear kind to your fellow-offended. I did this once on a plane and the other folks around me actually clapped.

-- Jodi in Ft. Lauderdale

I've found the best solution is essentially to kill the person with kindness. Who can ignore someone who taps them on the shoulder and gently, kindly, almost apologetically, explains that they have a huge meeting they're preparing for and they need this commuting time to concentrate? If the offense persists, keep interrupting the person. They'll have to choose between their own loudness and ending the annoying interruptions.

-- Elena, Youngstown, OH

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