Nothing private

Everything you don't want (your kids) to see

We love our house and our neighborhood and we get along well with the neighbors. There's only one problem. My 9 year old son's bedroom faces directly into the bedroom of our next door neighbor, who regularly gets undressed in front of her window. Curtains, blinds, draperies and the like are either absent or not used. When my kids first mentioned it, I didn't pay too much attention. I thought they (daughter 7, sons 9, 11) caught a quick glance then went on about their bedtime routine. The other night, though, I went up to say goodnight and the three of them were staring out the window of my son's room, watching intently as "Carol" disrobed. I was speechless. My husband and I don't know if we should say something to her or not. Either way, we also don't know how to get the kids to find other entertainment. Anyone else face something similar? If you reacted, how and what happened? -- Tricia, VA

NuKazoo readers shared their experiences:

I'd switch rooms with my kid and enjoy the view!

-- Giacomo from Roma

You can't control what goes on in a neighbor's house. You can control what goes on in yours. Turn the experience into a lesson on privacy and emphasize with your children that THEIR blinds/draperies/shades must be drawn at night-time because it's the right thing to do, regardless of whether neighbors are respecting their own privacy. The fact that you were "speechless" makes me think you showed a certain "shocked" look to your kids and amplified the experience in their minds. Instead, treat it matter-of-factly; they're not on a slippery slope to an appetite for porn.

-- Sheryl, Lake Worth, Fla.

An experience very similar happened to me growing up. When it was clear that the behavior was chronic, my family moved. My parents knew that our "Carol" knew there were young children in our house and they also knew she was a bit unbalanced emotionally. If you ask "Carol" to correct the behavior and she refuses, you're sending your kids a mixed signal if you do nothing. You have to be willing to move if "Carol" doesn't stop the show.

-- M.L., Bettendorf, IA

While on vacation my wife and I stayed in a small hotel. I happened to notice something in the window of the apartment across the street. I realized the window was in the bathroom and the movement that caught my attention was someone showering. Titillated, I called it to my wife’s attention just to see her surprise. After a few minutes of watching we found the situation more humorous but decidedly less exciting when we disagreed about the gender of the person. We saw two more showers before we checked out, but we never did figure out the mystery. My point?. . . I think you may be worried about nothing. People get undressed. People have bodies. Haven't your kids ever seen you naked? It's not like Carol's doing a strip tease. Your kids will check her out a few times, get bored and move on.

--JJ in Portland

All too often with unwanted behavior of a neighbor (loud music, barking dog, messy yard, etc., etc.), we think our options are three: put up with it, fight it, or move. But wait. There is another option. My experience is that more often than not, people are oblivious to the effect certain behaviors have on others. You haven't mentioned that you've talked to "Carol" about her behavior. It might just be that she's unaware that she's putting on a show. A nice phone conversation (where you don't have to see each other's awkwardness) during the light of day could go a long way toward correcting the problem, minimizing everyone's embarrassment and allowing friendly neighborhood relations to continue.

-- Maureen from Whitefish Bay, WI

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