Holiday obligations crushing

Anything but merry and bright

I am starting to hate the holidays.  It is all about going from one house to another to make everyone happy.  There are in-laws, sisters, brothers -- all ever increasing as divorces occur.  I just want to go to one place and celebrate. How can we make this happen without causing family turmoil?--  Julia from Chicago

NuKazoo readers shared their experiences:

My out-of-town in-laws always want us to visit them before the holidays because they head down to Florida the day after Christmas.   I don't like visiting them before Christmas because inevitably we miss out on holiday parties that I wish I could attend.  So, after a few years of this, I finally decided that we're not going to keep missing the parties.  I didn't tell them this, because they'd be offended.   Instead, I told them how busy the weeks before Christmas are and that we'd love an invite to visit them in Florida.  We're going there in January.

-- Dori in Dayton

After my divorce my children felt gypped by Christmas obligations.  They got to open gifts at our house then they quickly had to get ready to be picked up by their Dad to spend the day with him.  By the time they got home at night they were tired and irritable because they hadn't been allowed to do the p.j.s-til-noon-playing-with-all-the-gifts routine,  just hanging out at home.  After a couple years of this, with no one of enjoying the day, we wised up.  The kids now get their presents on Christmas Eve, and we treat it as equal in status with Christmas Day.  They feel much better and of course so do I!  

-- Linda from Edina, MN

We tried to limit the hassle by visiting only some of the family each year and rotating the visits over three years,  but dealing with each year's family relationship nuances to pick the destinations was even more stressful.  We have found the best way for us is to embrace the challenge and make the rounds of visits, but do it with a sense of humor.  We now think of some of the visits as soap opera episodes, where we get the annual update about the family black sheep.  The expectations have declined a bit, too, as divorces, (re)marriages, grandchildren, and relocations continue to change the family tree and map. 

-- Patty from Indy

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