Emailing an ex

Stop? Go? Why? Why not?

I am happily married and truly love my husband.  Lately I’ve been emailing an old boyfriend whom I haven’t seen in many years.  Our emails are innocent enough, but I find myself thinking about him.  I’ve told my husband about the correspondence and he has said almost nothing; he trusts me completely.  I want to continue emailing, but something tells me this isn’t right.  Anyone else faced this dilemma?  --  Gianna from Pittsburgh

NuKazoo readers shared their experiences:

Yes, I admit I did it but it didn't last.  I found the old beau on the internet and dropped him a note. He called me immediately, said he saw me at an airport a few years before but couldn't say anything because his wife was with him, and we chit chatted.  While I thought it would be fun to get reacquainted at the time, it quickly lost steam.  I of course told my husband immediately.

-- Sara from Chicago

You are fooling yourself and fooling your husband.  I tried to convince myself my email correspondence was "innocent" until I couldn't stop.  It led to an affair and was devastating to my husband.  I don't know if he'll ever trust me again.  I wish I had not given into the temptation because there was a reason my old boyfriend and I parted ways the first time.

-- D., Hinsdale, IL

I scratched the itch, corresponded with my old boyfriend, and realized I had worried for nothing.  I guess it was impulsive to do, but nothing came of it.  I enjoyed the correspondence without anything further.  It was very safe.  What's wrong with a little fantasy?  I'm not sure my husband hasn't done the same thing.

-- "Rosey" in State College, PA

Trust me, one or both of you wants more out of this email connection.  Make your decision to continue only after you stop denying this fact.  "Innocent" -- no way.  I've been there and gotten burned.  Don't fool yourself and don't cash in on your husband's trust by pretending he doesn't care.  You'll hate yourself.

-- Jeff, Arlington Heights, IL

I still correspond occasionally with two of my old boyfriends, usually about work and career matters.  I didn't want to leave my former relationships as emotional "toxic waste" sites.  Some of my friends feel that they have to avoid the towns where their ex's live, friends of the ex and even friends of the friends.  That was not for me.  I have always been very clear with my former boyfriends that we no longer have a romantic connection.  Two of them made the transition to friend and we stay in contact without a problem. 

-- Carol, Santa Monica

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