How to handle the party pariah

Chatterbox turns people off

My husband's sister unfailingly talks way too much about absolutely nothing of interest. She is unmarried and I feel obligated to invite her to holiday events. I cringe every time she pulls up a chair next to any of my family members because I know it will be an unpleasant experience for the person that has to listen to her. I can't not invite her, and I'd offend her if I took her aside to offer unsolicited "advice." My husband wants no part of trying to "fix" his sister. I'm at a loss for what to do. Anyone else in this situation and had success in changing things? -- Abby in TN

NuKazoo readers shared their experiences:

One way I've broken up holiday seating to give everyone breathing room is after dinner I announce that everyone should change their seat for dessert and sit next to someone different. The suggestion has always been well-received.

-- Kimberly from St. Paul

I drink a lot and ignore my bore of a father-in-law! I'm not sure he even notices.

-- Mandy in Merrillville, IN

After many years of complaining about one of my in-laws I gave myself an attitude adjustment. Now I just chuckle and let what happens roll off my shoulders without anxiety being left behind. People are who they are and damaging family relationships is not worth it. I only see her a few times a year and she is not hurting a sole. So be it....

-- Sara from Chicago

My sister-in-law is definitely a party pariah. The woman cannot shut up. I had stopped inviting her to our house, but my husband didn’t understand and felt his sister wasn’t “all that bad.” Now I invite her but avoid her. I don’t have the guts to tell her she talks too much, and I feel guilty about that. The result is that I have absolutely no relationship with her.

– Elizabeth from Fairfield, CT

You can only manage a party so much. The rest is up to the group's chemistry. The key is to have enough people at an event that the chatterbox can’t control the room. I’ve increased the size of our holiday parties just to dilute the effects of my mother-in-law and her toxic negativism.

-- Cheryl in Clarendon Hills, IL

I used to shudder whenever my one uncle came to our house. Every other word out of his mouth is “f*#k,” and I can’t stand it. I stopped inviting him. My feeling is that if you can’t be a good guest, then you don’t deserve to be invited.

– Skye from St. Charles, IL

I generally use place cards at holiday meals, and whenever my husband’s brother attends, my family shifts the cards so that “Andy” isn’t near them. It’s become sort of a joke. I want to clue him in but feel it’s his brother’s job.

-- L.F., Chesterfield, MO

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